positiveChAoS
11-29-2001, 02:50 PM
Insight into the minds of 6th graders: The following
were answers provided by 6th graders during a history
test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in
the misspelling. Even funnier read aloud to someone
else!
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battle-
fields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made
king dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a
100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays. He
wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all
in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish
was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent.Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compo-
sitions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in
the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
German, half Italian, and half English. He was
very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took
long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and
later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproduc-
ing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network
of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented
the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for
rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who
wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one
of the Marx Brothers.
_________________________
Some of the crazy emails I get...
+ChAoS
were answers provided by 6th graders during a history
test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in
the misspelling. Even funnier read aloud to someone
else!
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him.
Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After
his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battle-
fields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made
king dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed
herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a
100-foot clipper.
11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays. He
wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all
in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish
was to be laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin,
and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent.Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he
was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the
night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compo-
sitions and had a large number of children. In
between he practiced on an old spinster which he
kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most famous composer in
the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
German, half Italian, and half English. He was
very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took
long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and
later died for this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproduc-
ing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network
of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented
the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for
rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who
wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one
of the Marx Brothers.
_________________________
Some of the crazy emails I get...
+ChAoS